I really didn't care about my birthday this year. I wasn't looking forward to it at all. Last year when I was in my first year of uni, I always commented on ppl's facebook page when it was their birthday. Whoever's birthday it was, I always wished them a happy birthday. But this year, I didn't want to involve with people. I wanted to stay quiet in my own bubble. Because during some time of this year, I wanted to let go of people who didn't consider me as their friend. I didn't want to get attach to people who I still have feelings for but they didn't for me. There is nothing that I can do about it except wishing them a happy birthday on their facebook page. And so I let them go, became anti-social in uni, didn't wish anyone's birthday wishes on facebook (except for few).
All it matters is having your true friends, and people that really cares about you. That is plenty enough for me. However, I met plenty of great people this year, and made awesome friends not only in Australia, but over the world as well. I feel really lucky this year that I met these people in my life. There are people that aren't so bad after all. But by the time that I realised that my birthday was coming up, I just couldn't deal with it. I made my birthday date private on facebook, so that no one in my friends list will ever know my birth date and will wish me a happy birthday. I just don't want the attention and I don't want to stand out. I don't deserve these birthday wishes when I haven't wished for theirs. This does kinda make me feel bad about myself.
I really don't want anything from my birthday, I didn't expect anything to happen but lately, my special someone, my family and friends all surprised me with their birthday wishes and gifts.
Also, I got a call from a friend who (I haven't kept in contact for a long time) wished me a happy birthday. I felt so bad because she said she WILL get me a gift but still. I told her she didn't have to but she wanted to because she felt that I was her actual friend. WHY? I really didn't do anything at all. I haven't talked to you in a long time because I've been busy and it has always been you who have been initiating the contact. TT^TT I thanked her so much...
My special someone surprised me with a early birthday gift. He bought me an expensive branded gift. HE REALLY DIDN'T NEED TO. I felt bad because I was so broke that I couldn't afford anything to buy his bday gift. AND I STILL DIDN'T GET HIM ANYTHING. TT^TT And he got me this gift because he wanted to... He's not a romantic guy but he surprised me with this gift... I cried in front of him... I didn't deserve it at all... I cried because I was happy and how shocked I was...
My family celebrated my birthday with me, although it was a day earlier than the actual date. My brother who I am not close with bought me a gift. Flowers. He bought me blue flowers. He thought blue was my favourite colour but it's not. It's purple. But it's the thoughts that count. I told my mum that I didn't want cake because I don't like cake. But they still got me a cake and my brother paid for it. My dad gave me BIG pocket money. LOTS of pocket money. They took me to this Korean BBQ buffet restaurant. They sang the happy birthday song for me before we ate the cake. I didn't expect to celebrate my birthday with family like this. I just thought they would forget but no, they didn't.
And all of my close friends wished me a happy birthday when it was around 12am. I didn't expect them to say it around 12am. They remembered...
I'm not a special person. I'm really not. But these people... these people remembers and cares about me. I felt bad about myself for thinking this way. For not being open as I use to be. For becoming a shut in with people. For being anti-social. For not initiating contact with people. For neglecting people...
I just become too attach with people, I want to know more about them, I'm curious about their personality, opinions, beliefs, their life! I want to become their friends. But sometimes, people don't care about you. You may feel that way, but they don't. It feels awkward that I have these people as my friends on facebook but we're not friends because we never, EVER TALK! We just become acquainted with each other and just add each other on facebook. That's it. We never talk with each other and never initiate to contact each other. We're just acquaintance. I don't want that because I feel awkward... It's scary...
But that's besides the point, I felt special that I have these lovelies people who wished me a happy birthday. I just don't think I'm special that's all. I should really put more faith in myself.
