78. Stupid Tears?

The time has finally come... He has a job now and is gonna work every weekdays. I was afraid that this was coming but I was prepared and expected it to happen. Even though I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, some part of me didn't want that to happen. I wanted him and us to to be free. I want to spend more time with him. There are so many things that I still haven't done with him. I don't see him that often, and I really want to use every little bit of time I have... just to have his company. He and I both have jobs and it'll be hard for us to see each other that often now...

Today was his first day of work, and I didn't initiate any conversation with him today because I didn't want to disturb him. But before it hit midnight, I thought of contacting him... but I didn't. I didn't want to seem too clingy by contacting him most of the time. He must have been tired so I would understand if we didn't talk for today. But I really missed him. I thought about him the whole day. And... I just really missed him. I tried to control my emotions but my feelings for him were too strong. To the point I felt sad... for not being able to talk with him today... for missing him too much. I felt sad, that I tried to distract myself with watching animes, checking videos on youtube, talking with friends. But I still think about him. Does he think about me as much as I think about him? Probably not...

But just then, he talked to me on Skype. I was so relieved... that tears were falling from my eyes. I felt relieved that he does think about me and at least talk to me for a little bit before he goes to sleep. He told me how his day was, and told me about his workplace. But he had to go to sleep soon to wake up early for work, so our conversation was brief. At the end of our conversation, he said, "Just thought i'll check up on you before sleeping". I replied, "I'm glad you did ^^ go to sleep now~ you got a big day trrw". I am really glad he talked to me, even just for a little bit. Because it means that he cares for me. It meant a lot to me that tears came out... I was so afraid that since we won't have the time to meet up that often, that we'll start to become distant...

I'm so stupid for crying over these things... It's just probably me just thinking too much again... He'll be working for a while, and will be working even more after that. During those times, I have to go to uni for another three years. I have to get use to it even though I hate it. I'm scared that we'll get distant... that we won't have time for each other... that eventually... it lead to...

Sighhh...

I really am overthinking into these things. But right now, I am happy for him that he has a job. I really am happy for him but at the same time, it just means that we don't have that much time with each other. I am sad about that but I just have to get use to it. It's the reality and we have to live through it. I have to be strong... and survive through it. It's hard because I miss him all the time... but I shall have things that distracts me such as working, animes, youtubes, friends, family.

I really love him...

77. Missing you a lot...

I now have a full time job at a Korean BBQ buffet restaurant in Bankstown. Because it's full time I am to work 6 days a week. This means I won't have time to relax, go out with friends and ses my Special someone.

Ever since I finished uni, I've been looking for several part time jobs and have been applying to many different places. I found this place and thought, 'hmm I'm free throughout my breaks so I can earn money and work full time. Plus since my SS is still busy with work, I might as well be preoccupied with my work too'. I know we wouldn't be able to see each often but it might stop me from thinking about him and missing him too much. And he might miss me instead.

But ever since I started working... I missed him a lot... So much that I thought, 'Screw it, I'm gonna contact him even though we texted before'. We mostly have one conversation per day, or there are days we don't even talk at all. But lately, we've been going onto Skype everyday and have more than one conversafion per day. I felt happy. It made me wanting to see him moreee instead. I want to see him soon. Because I still don't have my schedule for my workplace yet, I don't know the next time I'll see my friends or him again...

Sighh...

We're still preparing the restaurant and it's not officially open yet. But we will get our timetable soon. I quickly want to see my SS soon. I want to see him. I thought that he would miss me more than I would miss him. But no... I miss him... But he does miss me because he contacts me and invited me for dinner after our work, which we rarely do (because he's tired after his work).

Goshhh... I miss him and I wanna see him soon.

76. ...

I had the scariest experience today.... TT^TT

75.1.5month...

For the past 1.5month, I have been stressing and worrying about something. Sighhh. Just when everything was going so well I now have another serious problem. I am yet stressed and worried again. I shall be careful next time. I really need to be careful.