Lately, I've been trying to see my special someone a lot more often. I wanted to see him as much as I can before I go on a vacation. I will deeply miss him. I know that the vacation won't be that long but still... I will miss him a lot...
Whenever I have the chance to see him, I will always see him. After he finishes work, I will always try to see him. We would either have dinner together after or just catch the train on the way home.
He knows that I will miss him a lot. And I know that he wants to see me as much as he can. But this seems like I'm being too clingy or being reliant on him... or maybe even I seem annoying to him... I've been worried that he might get bored of me or annoyed at me for seeing me too much... And I did tell him that but he said that why would he. I'm glad that he doesn't think that way. I really am glad but I do worry that it might happen...
I know he teases me often but it's alright. I know that he doesn't mean to hurt my feelings or he doesn't mean it seriously. But I am very gullible, dense and naive. There were few times where he joked about breaking up with me few times and that who knows, he might get bored of me and dump me... I know he didn't mean it because of his tone and that he was just joking... But... I didn't think that he would easily joke something like that...
This is why I worry a lot that I might be clingy, annoying or boring... And I don't want that to happen. But what can I do? I am a huggy person. I want to hold onto my special person as much as I can. I want to be affectionate to him and be a bit romantic I guess. And I try not to be annoying. I want my special someone to be happy so I always try my best to cheer up for that person. I am a weird person so I may do silly stuff but I try not to be annoying. And finally, I do not have a hobby which I do feel that this makes me a boring person in a way. I'm more of a listener, and the type of person to join and learn individuals' interests. So if you have a specific hobby, I will try to engage in with your hobby and learn more about it. My special someone watches animes, japanese youtubers' videos, plays games and I try to engage with his hobbies. My brother loves marvel and DC comics and would regualrly notify me the upcoming movies, and show me trailers. Even though I'm not interested in Marvel and DC, I still watch it because my brother was excited to tell me all his interests. My uni friend would tell me her favourite tv dramas and we talk about those dramas. My friend Erica also would talk to me about her favourite show called Friends, and how she bought the posters and went to Friends cafe in Sydney. I'm the type of person to join the flow, and go with the flow. This is why when I talk to people, I don't really say much of my hobby because I don't have one. This makes me a boring person. I do have a passion in learning languages, and for animals but that's about it.
Why is why I worry all the time whenever I meet my someone special because I'm not interesting and do nothing special in particular, and that I only engage with his activities, and he doesn't with mine (because I don't have one).. Although, we took japanese classes together and are immensely interested in japanese culture, we don't communicate with each other in japanese. Because he is fluent at it, and I'm not great at it and still learning it. But I still try my best to talk to him in japanese... But I fail...
Today, I met up with him to have dinner in the city. As we finished, we caught the train together but I didn't wanted to get off at my stop. I wanted to stay him with a bit more longer till his stop. I didn't care if it took longer for me to get home or I had to go back the same line just to get home. I honestly don't care because I just want to use every chance and time that I can get just to spend more with him... But he told me that he'll see me tomorrow anyways which he was suggesting for me to get off at my stop. I care more about the present than the future. You should spend valuable time right now with your special person. And that kinda made me sad... Because of the efforts I've put in just to see him, and that I couldn't spend more time with him... But I shouldn't think like that. Because I know that he loves me and that he is a very understanding person. He knows how much I miss him. And that he does think of me and care for me... If he didn't care about me or wasn't interested, he would have ignored me completely or would have said something about it to me.
I have grown ever since the start of our relationship. I use to overthink A LOT and missed him a lot when he didn't text me for few days. And I would get sad over little things and wouldn't tell him about it... But I told myself that I should stop doing that because I didn't wanted to affect us and it's not a healthy relationship. I learnt myself that for a healthy relationship to last longer, both partners should build trust within each other, always be honest and truthful, unconditionally love each other, and never bring up the negative aspects of your partner, or your partner's worst past when they are trying to improve themselves for their future. I love my special someone and I do hope that we would last longer. He means so much for me.
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