109. Clingy much?

The first few months were easy, and alright. But later down the track, as we grew more initmiate with each other, I started to be clingy, and I want to see him more often now. We go on skype everyday, and noooooo. I've become really clingy and I didn't want to be clingy in the first place. I can't handle it when I don't see him for too long... Long distance relationship will be very hard for me. 

I didn't want to become like this... 

108. Full moon beach night

Back when I was in high school, the number one activity that I wanted to do with my future bf was to stare at the moon and stars at the beach with him. I am happy that I finally achieved that goal of mine. The beach is where I can relax and just really become one with the nature and the ocean. I love water, and I just love spending time with my loved ones at the beach.

It was around 8 where we were driving to the beach and on the way, I saw the moon in the sky. It was so pretty and I was glad that it was a full moon. When we got there, it was pretty dark but our eyes were adjusted to the darkness and because the moon was above us, the moonlight was shining around the area we were in. The tide was quite high, but it didn't bother us. The ocean was was very calm and there wasn't any strong waves. Even though it was pretty dark, I could tell that the ocean was very clear, since I was able to see my feet through the water.

I am happy. I was happy today. And I am happy.

107. When you were lucky but not so lucky

When you had a bad start for the day, but in the end, everything worked. You only had $1.90 and asked the bus driver how much it cost to travel to your uni. Exactly $1.90. Aren't you lucky? Plus, you made it on time for your test, and get to practice your group presentation with your partner for the next day. You asked your friend if you could borrow $2 for the bus on the way back, and she had exactly $2.

Everything was going so well, until you came home and haven't found your opal card. You realised you lost it yesterday. You lost your opal card that had your student ID card with it. Great. Aren't you just lucky?~...

You called the station that you went yesterday to see if they had any lost opal card and they said they'll check, and they hang up on you... WTF DOES THIS MEAN?!!!! WHY WOULD YOU HANG UP ON ME???? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW MY DETAILS??? WOULD YOU CALL ME BACK IF YOU FOUND A LOST OPAL CARD? BUT WHAT IF IT'S NOT MINE??? WHAT THE HELL???

106. Why?...

Why is it on days when I have tests for japanese I'm always late on those days!??? WHY IS IT ALWAYS WITH JAP?! WHY???! Not just this year but last year too. What do you have against me in taking ny jap test, life?? Huh???!!! Sighh....

Why is it today that I didn't have my opal card with me?... The bus driver is gonna scream at me...

105. Feeling like crap

I haven't been able to concentrate, focus during class or at home. I always study and do my homework but I cbb to do it last week, so I completely slacked off last week. I felt tired all the time even though I wasn't doing anything much. I've been gaining a lot of weight and usually I would always know my limit and watch out for myself but I felt hopeless and just wanted to eat my soul out.  I just ate everything until I was full. AND EVERY FRICKIN DAMN NIGHT I CAN NEVER GET A PROPER SLEEP. I always sleep so late and have these bad thoughts haunting me. Reminding me of who I am as a person... as a terrible person.

I haven't mentioned this to anyone before, not even to SS. But, everyday I would always feel this quick and slight pain in my heart where it randomly appears and gives me a quick sting. It happens evrryday and once. After the sting, I would grab onto my chest and think what just happened there and why is it happening everyday. But I doubt it's anything. So I didn't tell anyone.

Because I have been feeling this terrible for more than 2weeks, my mum gave me this pill of hers. It's this medicine called Lexotan where it used for people who have anxiety, tension and agitation. It reduces the normal stresses that you experience in your daily life.

I feel that 2016 is not my year. I feel a lot worse than lasf year.