Just recently I've been stressed because of so much stuffs that has been going on. Last week I received an email from my uni that I got a scholarship to go to China. I was soo happy. For this scholarship I only need to pay for my airfare ticket, travel insurance and other personal costs. But I don't have money, and I don't want to ask my parents for money again since I already went to Japan recently. Plus, my parents were already fighting at that time because of money. My parents didn't talk to each other for one week... My parents were struggling with money, but they want me go to China. That's why ever since I received that email, I've been looking for a job for a week. I got few replies but they didn't work out for me. But next week, I have a job interview and I really, really, really do hope I get it. I need to save much money as I can before I go to China. I have been very desperate in finding a job.
Other than stressing out part time job and money, I've also been stressing about uni. As the end of the mid-week of the semester is near, assignments and tests have been coming up. I have so much things due in one week, especially this week. After this friday, I'LL BEE FREEE! OMGGGG. HURRY UP FRIDAY!!!
Wednesday, 31 August 2016
Sunday, 14 August 2016
122. Very happy
In my last blog, I mentioned how I felt distant with my special someone. I knew that I overthink too much but I wanted to discuss about it with him. I was scared of how he might react or respond. I don't want to hear him say that I'm thinking too much because you know, he could be right... But I also don't want him to be mad at me if I'm the only one who feels and thinks of this way.
It was very difficult for me to tell him of how I felt lately, but at one point when I couldn't express myself, he said, "Tell me before I go to sleep". I could sense his annoyance when I wanted to tell him but I couldn't tell him because I was scared of telling him.
I finally let it out, "I feel that... we became distant... recently..."
"Distant? What do you mean?"
"You... haven-*mumbling*-"
"What? I can't hear you when you're mumbling"
"*Deep breath*... You haven't... been... initiative... when contacti-*mumbling*-e".
"Ooh"
We talked about it for a while and I am very amazed of how he took it because he agreed with me. Not the distant part but how he hasn't been initiative as before. He did tell me that he thought he was being initiative a lot already (because he's a very reserved person and doesn't contact his friends at all, unless they only contact him first, but otherwise he always replies fast) after I told him if he can be initiative as well earlier this year. He told me he has been tired lately from work and that's why he hasn't been initiative. I knew that, that could be the reason because he's always work overtime most of the times, and he's tired and that's why I didn't want to contact him all the times because I didn't want to bother him. But not hearing from him at all ever since I came back from Japan, I really missed him a lot. He always replies when I contact him first, otherwise if I don't contact him, we don't talk at all for the whole days. I felt bad when acknowledged that he hasn't been initiative but I did not expect him to agree with me. He is such an understanding person and I love him for that.
Ever since our relationship, I've been changing him quite a bit. He's not a romantic person and he wasn't use to physical contact but since I'm clingy, he had to get use to it and now he likes me when I hold his hands, and hug him. I was the first girl who he ever initiated to hug to. And look at him now, he comes and tries to hug me. @^^@ He gets embarrassed when saying things like 'I like you', and 'I miss you', now he says, "I love you", "I want to see you", "I miss you". He has become a lovey dovey person.
And that was the whole point of this blog. I was very happy today. I was at home finishing off my report that was due in two days, whilst my special someone was participating in a marathon with two of his friends. I wanted to come to the finishing line to see them finish but I needed to get my report done. So I couldn't make it, instead I meet them at night and go pokemon hunting with them. I met up with special someone and his friends, and SS asked if he could put his stuff in my bag. "Of course you can," I replied. He gave me two things, and as I put two of the bags into my backpack, he mentioned that one of the bag was for myself.
"What? For me??"
"Just think of it as an early birthday present"
"My birthday present??! My birthday is still far away"
His friends told me to open the bag, and even SS said that I can open it if I wanted to.
"No!!! I'm gonna open it on my birthday. But why did you buy my present already?"
His friends told me to just open the bag, and SS commented,
"You can use it at my friend's wedding"
What did he give me that I can use to go to his friend's wedding? It can't be a dress because it was a small box... and I was very curious what was inside the small box. After SS and his friends convinced me to open the box, I was shocked. He gave me a branded bracelet. Of course it's not the first time he bought me branded products or items, but this branded item was just so beautiful. It must have been expensive. It was a swarovski stars bracelet. SS said he wanted to find a moon and a star bracelet, but they didn't have it, and this one was the prettiest out of all the ones he saw. Of course this bracelet was so pretty. I loved it!!! He kept saying how if I don't like it I can return it to the store with the gift receipt and I yelled at him, "I LOVE IT!!!". One of his friends laughed, and commented, "Hey she said 'it', not 'you'". >< Of course I would say I love you to him but I wouldn't want to in front of his friends. Hmph.
Inside the small bag, there was a card inside, and he told me to read it some other time. SS said he wanted to give me the present privately but his friends wanted to see my reaction. One of his friend then told me that she wanted to buy a birthday present for her sister-in-law so she went to the swarovski store, and she heard from SS that "what should I get for Bubbles?" SS then added, he saw stars bracelets and he thought of me and wanted to buy it for me. I was soooo happy. Not because of the present he bought for me, but the thoughts and the acts that he committed. He's not a romantic person and he wouldn't do these kinds of things. And when he did this for me, I was really happy. It means a lot to me. It really means a lot to me and I was sooo happy that I could not stop myself having a creppy big ass smile on my face, and his friends were just laughing at my face. But they liked my reaction because they both "aweee" at me.
I need to stop over thinking little things. I need to trust him more, (but I do), and more, (but-) but MORE!!
The little things he does, means big things to me. It's rare for him to do things like that. This is probably the second time that he has given me a present on a random (non-eventful) occasion. The first time was when he bought a necklace for me online but it was sent to his old address, and he tried to retrieve back to his old house three days in a row, but no one was there at all. And so he bought me another necklace, which I felt so bad for him. He didn't have to buy me a necklace and another one again. I just felt happy that he just thought of that and did that because of me, and I told him that he didn't have to go back to his old house again, or buy me another one. But he did. I still have the pendant but not the chain, because my hair would get caught in the chain and it would hurt. So I changed to a different chain but it was rusted. TT^TT So currently I am not using that necklace anymore unless I get a new better chain. However, currently I am using my moon and star necklace that I bought from Japan. I kept help myself from liking Moon and stars.
But anyway, I was happy today. My SS did something so special for me. ^^ And he was being clingy to me today as well. I was surprised because we wouldn't try to act lovely dovey in front of his friends, especially out in the public. But he was being very romantic today. ^^ I guess he wanted my affection. Felt very, very, happy today.
I LOVE YOU MY LOVE!
It was very difficult for me to tell him of how I felt lately, but at one point when I couldn't express myself, he said, "Tell me before I go to sleep". I could sense his annoyance when I wanted to tell him but I couldn't tell him because I was scared of telling him.
I finally let it out, "I feel that... we became distant... recently..."
"Distant? What do you mean?"
"You... haven-*mumbling*-"
"What? I can't hear you when you're mumbling"
"*Deep breath*... You haven't... been... initiative... when contacti-*mumbling*-e".
"Ooh"
We talked about it for a while and I am very amazed of how he took it because he agreed with me. Not the distant part but how he hasn't been initiative as before. He did tell me that he thought he was being initiative a lot already (because he's a very reserved person and doesn't contact his friends at all, unless they only contact him first, but otherwise he always replies fast) after I told him if he can be initiative as well earlier this year. He told me he has been tired lately from work and that's why he hasn't been initiative. I knew that, that could be the reason because he's always work overtime most of the times, and he's tired and that's why I didn't want to contact him all the times because I didn't want to bother him. But not hearing from him at all ever since I came back from Japan, I really missed him a lot. He always replies when I contact him first, otherwise if I don't contact him, we don't talk at all for the whole days. I felt bad when acknowledged that he hasn't been initiative but I did not expect him to agree with me. He is such an understanding person and I love him for that.
Ever since our relationship, I've been changing him quite a bit. He's not a romantic person and he wasn't use to physical contact but since I'm clingy, he had to get use to it and now he likes me when I hold his hands, and hug him. I was the first girl who he ever initiated to hug to. And look at him now, he comes and tries to hug me. @^^@ He gets embarrassed when saying things like 'I like you', and 'I miss you', now he says, "I love you", "I want to see you", "I miss you". He has become a lovey dovey person.
And that was the whole point of this blog. I was very happy today. I was at home finishing off my report that was due in two days, whilst my special someone was participating in a marathon with two of his friends. I wanted to come to the finishing line to see them finish but I needed to get my report done. So I couldn't make it, instead I meet them at night and go pokemon hunting with them. I met up with special someone and his friends, and SS asked if he could put his stuff in my bag. "Of course you can," I replied. He gave me two things, and as I put two of the bags into my backpack, he mentioned that one of the bag was for myself.
"What? For me??"
"Just think of it as an early birthday present"
"My birthday present??! My birthday is still far away"
His friends told me to open the bag, and even SS said that I can open it if I wanted to.
"No!!! I'm gonna open it on my birthday. But why did you buy my present already?"
His friends told me to just open the bag, and SS commented,
"You can use it at my friend's wedding"
What did he give me that I can use to go to his friend's wedding? It can't be a dress because it was a small box... and I was very curious what was inside the small box. After SS and his friends convinced me to open the box, I was shocked. He gave me a branded bracelet. Of course it's not the first time he bought me branded products or items, but this branded item was just so beautiful. It must have been expensive. It was a swarovski stars bracelet. SS said he wanted to find a moon and a star bracelet, but they didn't have it, and this one was the prettiest out of all the ones he saw. Of course this bracelet was so pretty. I loved it!!! He kept saying how if I don't like it I can return it to the store with the gift receipt and I yelled at him, "I LOVE IT!!!". One of his friends laughed, and commented, "Hey she said 'it', not 'you'". >< Of course I would say I love you to him but I wouldn't want to in front of his friends. Hmph.
Inside the small bag, there was a card inside, and he told me to read it some other time. SS said he wanted to give me the present privately but his friends wanted to see my reaction. One of his friend then told me that she wanted to buy a birthday present for her sister-in-law so she went to the swarovski store, and she heard from SS that "what should I get for Bubbles?" SS then added, he saw stars bracelets and he thought of me and wanted to buy it for me. I was soooo happy. Not because of the present he bought for me, but the thoughts and the acts that he committed. He's not a romantic person and he wouldn't do these kinds of things. And when he did this for me, I was really happy. It means a lot to me. It really means a lot to me and I was sooo happy that I could not stop myself having a creppy big ass smile on my face, and his friends were just laughing at my face. But they liked my reaction because they both "aweee" at me.
I need to stop over thinking little things. I need to trust him more, (but I do), and more, (but-) but MORE!!
The little things he does, means big things to me. It's rare for him to do things like that. This is probably the second time that he has given me a present on a random (non-eventful) occasion. The first time was when he bought a necklace for me online but it was sent to his old address, and he tried to retrieve back to his old house three days in a row, but no one was there at all. And so he bought me another necklace, which I felt so bad for him. He didn't have to buy me a necklace and another one again. I just felt happy that he just thought of that and did that because of me, and I told him that he didn't have to go back to his old house again, or buy me another one. But he did. I still have the pendant but not the chain, because my hair would get caught in the chain and it would hurt. So I changed to a different chain but it was rusted. TT^TT So currently I am not using that necklace anymore unless I get a new better chain. However, currently I am using my moon and star necklace that I bought from Japan. I kept help myself from liking Moon and stars.
But anyway, I was happy today. My SS did something so special for me. ^^ And he was being clingy to me today as well. I was surprised because we wouldn't try to act lovely dovey in front of his friends, especially out in the public. But he was being very romantic today. ^^ I guess he wanted my affection. Felt very, very, happy today.
I LOVE YOU MY LOVE!
Monday, 8 August 2016
121. Insecure
I don't know what's wrong wifh me lately. I've started to become insecure ahout myself and my relationship. Earlier this year, I asked my special someone if he could be more initiative when contacting me because I hated when I always have to make the first move to contact him. Ever since I came back from Japan, he hasn't been initiative at all. I always have to contact him, and there are days where we just don't contact with each other... I know he's tired from working and that's probably why he hasn't been contacting me but still... I personally don't like making the initiative to contact him first all the time and every time...
He hasn't been saying I love you that much lately as well...
When I snapchatted him that I miss him, he didn't respond at all instead change to a different topic...
I know he's not romantic and a very reserved person but I want to be reminded that he loves me from time to time... I mean, I missed him so much while I was away in Japan for 18days...
I always think too much,
I worry that I'm annoying, and too clingy... I don't want to be that, so I've been trying to control it... I wonder if he feels more chillaxed this way.
WHY AM I SO CLINGY?!!! I need to tone it down but I don't want us to be distant...
He hasn't been saying I love you that much lately as well...
When I snapchatted him that I miss him, he didn't respond at all instead change to a different topic...
I know he's not romantic and a very reserved person but I want to be reminded that he loves me from time to time... I mean, I missed him so much while I was away in Japan for 18days...
I always think too much,
I worry that I'm annoying, and too clingy... I don't want to be that, so I've been trying to control it... I wonder if he feels more chillaxed this way.
WHY AM I SO CLINGY?!!! I need to tone it down but I don't want us to be distant...
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