120. Things that distracts my studies

I haven't been watching animes recently... TT^TT It's so sad because I have to catch up and update all the episodes that I need to watch. But it will distract me with my motivation for uni. So sad... TT^TT

I also redownloaded facebook app onto my phone. It's really distracting me... But I want to keep in touch with my friends from all over the world and know how they're doing... Sighh... I think I'm gonna delete the app AGAIN!

I haven't been editing my japan trip videos too... because when I try to upload videos onto youtube, the internet screws up and affects my whole family. My mum told me to cancel my upload so that she can play her pokemongo... TT^TT I will get around to it once I'm free... (it will probably be a while...)


Sometimes, I don't know why I honestly try to put so much effort into studies... I don't even know about my own future. But for now, I shall try to get good grades so that it'll benefit me in the future.

119. Do my best!!!

I will try my best! Ever since I came back from Japan I was being overwhelmed with uni and had lots of catch up to do (since I missed out on the first week). I think I'm calm now, and once I'm at the right pace and settled, I will try my best in other things. Right now, I have to catch up with uni, and I WILL TRY MY BEST FOR THIS SEMESTER! Want to do my very best and get good grades.

I've got this! I have my motivation! WHOOO! You can do it Bubs!!

118. My goals and dreams

My Goals
- Getting my P license
- Getting good grades for this Spring semester
- Getting a part time job
- Travelling to Japan with my special someone (and hopefully to Korea and China as well)

My Dreams
- Moving out (whether myself or with my special someone)
- Raising my own dog and cat once I have my proper house
- Travelling around the world
- Getting a job
- Marrying with my special someone (and maybe have 3 kids ^^)

117. My Future dream job?

I am still lost and confused about my future. I don't know if I really want to be a primary school teacher. I don't even know if I want to become a teacher.

I don't know anything for sure.

When I was in Japan, I was talking with two of my friends, and I was being completely honest with them that I still don't know what to do with my future. I am just going with the flow and see where it leads me. They started to attack me with these questions asking me what I really want, and that I should seriously consider about my future while I'm still young because time passes really quickly.

I tried to explain to them, and they retaliated by asking me the 'WHAT IF' questions. Asking me what if my special someone wants to marry me very soon, if I would change to a different course right now, if I would go back to uni again to study a different course if I didn't like my teaching job when I'm old enough... Asking me so much more questions... I later got pissed at them because they weren't helping me at all. But I later stop being pissed at them because I shouldn't stay mad at them too long. And one of my friend apologised to me and I also apologised to her for being mad.

I am just saying that I really do admire people that has already set their own goals and ambitions for their future. Where I have nothing... I really do admire you people out there. Trying to strive for you dream jobs and goals and the hard work, and efforts you put in. You people are amazing... You people deserve whatever good things you want.

That's why I was so surprised when I got accepted into the summer program in Japan. Was it really alright for me to go to Japan? Wouldn't there be any other better candidates to take this instead?... I just... don't know... I had a dream, and one and only dream. Which was to travel to Japan no matter what. That was my only dream. I love studying the language and I love its culture. That was why I wanted to travel to Japan. And I was so happy that I was accepted. It really made me happy, happy that my dream came true.

Now that my dream is completed, now what?... What's next?


For me... I just wanted to go to university because that's what my parents expected of me. And I got in, and I chose primary education because I couldn't see myself taking any other courses which will lead me to those kinds of jobs. For example: business, nursing, international studies and more... I just couldn't see myself in those kinds of workplaces. I just couldn't and didn't want to.

I don't even know if I can become a teacher because whenever I give out presentation, I always panic, get nervous, stutter during my speech, shake my hands and legs. I always gave out presentations for my Japanese units in my first year, yes it has somewhat led me being confident but not that significantly. I still get nervous when I give out presentations.. And I don't know how I will be able to manage when I teach kids in school for my job. How can I become a teacher like this then?...

 Recently, I became acquainted to this classmate of mine and he was telling me of his goals. How he quickly wanted to graduate uni so that he can get a job, and his long distanced relationship girlfriend can move in with him. He explained that he took the summer course so that he can get ahead of uni, and has to prepare some documents to hand in to the education department before his third year. I have to hand in mine too but I haven't started to do any of those stuff because right now I have to catch up on uni since I missed out on the first week of uni (because I was in Japan).

I admire hardworking people that strives for their dreams. And I see myself and feel... so lost and confused. What am I doing with life? What are you doing right now Bubs?

I do know that I want to want to work, and become an independent woman, so that I can move out when I am financially stable. I do not want to live with my parents. They still think of me as a little kid, and they limit my freedom. I want to move out, and hopefully live with my special someone if I can. Right now, I do not even want to think about marriage, I am still to way young for that, and I only want to marry when both of my partner and I are both financially stable.

But that is the problem, what is my dream job? What do I want to become?... I am so lost and confused.

116. Clingy much?

It only has been a week and a half since I came back from Japan, and I noticed something... that I've become clingy to my special someone. I mean I am clingy in my nature, but I've always tried my best to control it. But when I came back, I've been wanting to see him more, and when I do have the chance, I just want to hold onto him. Just hold his hand, and hug him...

Today after class when I was catching the bus, I realised that I've became more clingy than before because I missed my special someone... And even today, my special someone mentioned it to me without me asking... I mean... I don't know anymore...

This week, I haven't contacted him on Tuesday and Thursday at all because I know that he's tired from work and he should rest up. And I try my best not to have Skype calls with him too often... I've been trying to control it but... it's not enough.

I don't want to be annoying to my special someone. I asked him how often do I annoy him, and he replied from time to time. WHAT?! I didn't realise that I annoy you... I wanted to make you happy and cheer you up because you're always tired from work. I tried not to contact you everyday but still... is it a lot to you?

I didn't know that I would annoy my special someone from time to time... We rarely fight and when we do argue, it's nothing serious. Just something he would tease me about for fun, and I would get grumpy at him (but I'm not mad at him at all, just how he teases me often).

I don't know... I know that not everyone is perfect and not every relationships are perfect but still... I don't want to start something that would lead something bad... I don't want to be the cause... Does that make sense?

Maybe I should reduce my physical and social interaction/affection with him. Limit how much I contact him and stop being too physically clingy.

Maybe I am thinking too much because I always do.

But when I tried to ask my special someone more deeper of this 'clingyness' topic, he said to be myself because he doesn't want me to change. He doesn't want me to change drastically and he likes  the way I am now. But you said that I annoy you from TIME TO TIME! Tell me how I am like this, and I will fix this so that I won't do it again next time. But even he said that he doesn't know...

???

I want to know... how I am annoying... because I don't want to be annoying especially to the people that are dear to me...

I've always try to be careful with the actions that I make with the people around me. Unless I'm weird around people (meaning that I find them comfortable to be with so I can be weird and crazy around them). Unless I act weird and crazy to my special someone, and he finds it annoying... But but but if I'm weird and crazy, it means I'm comfortable around you and I like you...

I'm probably thinking too much...

115. My Japan trip ^^

WOW it has been that long since I've blogged. Sorry if I didn't blogged in a while because I was in Japan. I couldn't sign in into my account because apparently, they were suspicious of the person who was using my account in Japan, BUT IT WAS ME!!! I'M USING IT IN JAPAN, and it was really troublesome to try to log in and I gave up. Didn't have free wifi in the first place, and don't wanna give google my mobile number when I'm in overseas (especially when I'm using a prepaid sim card).

Soooooo hello bubbly people out there. Whooo! I can blog now. Yayyyy. I just arrived in Australia yesterday and I am so tired. And on friday, I have uni and I am so not mentally prepared... TT^TT

So earlier this year, I was looking through my univeristy website about exchange programs in different countries, but I was mostly interested into going to Japan. Because that was my number one bucket list. But I ACHIEVED IT! Yaaayyy. Anyways, I went to this overseas exchange program session after my class, and the guy who was giving a presentation asked each one of us of where we want to go. I told him that I wanted to go to Japan. During his presentation, where he was explaining about the short abroad courses, he let us know that in Japan that they were having a special opportunity for female students to participate in their summer program. It was free accomodation and they give you ¥60000 scholarship for the flight fare, but you have to pay the differences yourself. This program offers to teach students about the Japanese culture and experince through it.

On that day, the first thing I did when I head straight back home was applying for the summer program. I didn't think I would make it in (even though I had met the brief and all of the requirements), and they would select better candidates. I had to answer three short questions and provide my details. And DONE! I had to wait over a month for the results to come out, and I really, really, really did hope that I'll get in. But of course, I didn't believe in myself and thought the uni would choose a more suitable candidates. On the day of the result, the coordinator (the guy who gave presentation during the overseas exchange program session) emailed all of the female students who applied that there was significant number of people who applied and the quality of the expression of interest was very high standard. As I was reading the email, I did not believe that I would get in...

Until I got an email around 5pm, from the coordinator who congratulated me for being accepted as one of the two candidates. I was soooo happy! I jumped around and shouted to my mum who was downstairs in the living room, saying that I got in! She was surprised and hugged me so tight, and congratulated me. I was sooo happy and tears formed in my eyes. I called my special someone ans told him that I got in and he was surprised as well. But said, "I knew it". >< I was speechless but filled with endless joy in my heart. I felt that I was the luckiest girl. ^^

After that, I had to apply to my host university and provide them different documents. It took a while. The program starts at early July and when I applied my expression of interest in my university, it was around March. Then I got my results in April and the application deadline to my host univeristy was due mid-May. I waited paitently for this program ans I was sooo excited and nervous and still couldn't believe that my dream was coming true. I had received information that 12 female students from different countries will participate for this summer program.

I finished my exam on 7th of June, and during the free time I had till the Japan trip, I was focusing on watching animes, youtubes, hanging out with my friends, and bonding with my loved ones. On 2nd of July, I set out on a journey to my dream destination. And the moment the plane landed in Japan, I still couldn't believe that I was here. After 17 days in living in Japan, the last night that I was gonna sleep in my dorm room, I still couldn't believe that I went to these amazing places and ate such good foods, and most of all, met so much friends from all over the world. I was the last person to leave the dorm, my friends already left to catch their planes. I cried when each one of them left. I was heartbroken because I never gonna know the next time we'll all see each other again, in the same time, with the same group, in the same country, in the same place. I'm gonna miss them all.

This Japan trip was sooo worth it. I told my friend that this trip was 8/10 for me. But when I look back, it wasn't that bad. For my final answer, I give it 9/10.

Japan feels like a second home to me. I want to go back again! Next time for sure, I'll definitely visit again. ^^