130. Life update

I've been having a very good sleep routine for the past two weeks. I am actually quite happy about that because I have insomnia and I am a very nocturnal human being. But not anymore. I haven't been motivated with study that much anymore because the end of the semester is nearly coming. I'll be free from assignments, and exams. WHOHOOO!!! I've been keeping in touch with my friends often now since some of us have the same job together. Pluz, I want to keep in contact with friends who really care about me. Speaking of job, yes we got the job together and I am fairly happy. Need to save up money for my trip to China. ALSO, my Japanese friend came to Australia and I was sooo excited. Hope she has the best time during her stay here.

I've been very, very, very busy ever since I came back from Japan. Actually, I was very productive this year. Quite happy about that since I made lovely memories.

I think my relationship with my special someone is a special one. ^^ He and I are just inseparable. We always try to make time for each other, we understand each other and always communicate with each other. I love everything about him. I believe our relationship has gone deeper this year. Our love for each other will always be there.

Quite proud and happy about myself this year. I went on a cruise with Shirley and BC, and it will be an unforgettable experience. I have my close friends with me and my special someone. My dream came true which was to travel to Japan and make friends. I have a job that I like, and plus, a job that I can work with friends. I've been doing well with uni and should tap on my shoulder for that. Life has been going good so far.

It would have been even better if only I have a good relationship with my family. Otherwise, I want to move out.

129. Being weird is bad Part 2

After we hung up the call, I called my friend and... I apologised to her. She asked me what happened and I told her that I felt bad earlier today for making her mad. She said, "What??" I told her what happened, and she said she knew I was joking, and that she was alright. She forgot all about it. I still couldn't help myself but feel bad. She repeatedly told me that it was fine, and that she was ok. I cried during our call and she helped me calm down. I'm glad she wasn't truly mad at me. She said she was joking as well.

After that we went on a Skype call with our another friend and us three were talking for few hours. I later got a message from my partner asking if we could talk. I left the call with my friend (who was the only one left on the call) and I went over to talk to my partner. I wasn't happy with him. He said to me that he was worried if he made me mad. I told him that I wasn't mad, but more that he made me feel bad and sad. He wanted me to tell him which part made me feel sad. I told him everything of how I felt.  He then calmly told me his views on them. I mentioned, "You made me feel bad... I called my friend and she said that she knew it was joke, and that she was alright." 
I cried saying, "You hurt my feelings..."
He replied, "I am so sorry. Please don't cry. I will stop being critical and judgemental. I will do anything you say". 
I responded, "... but I still love you..."
"I love you too"
"I forgive you"
"Thank you"

128. Being weird is bad Part 1

When I feel that I am close with someone I get out of my comfort zone and just being open with them. I let them see all the random sides of me so that they can ses that I am me, true to myself, having fun with people. Then they would start calling me 'weird' but I took that as a compliment. Because I agree that I'm weird. Not everyone is normal, they're unique. They all have these unique sides to them. I only let mine expose when I feel comfortable with ppl I am with. If you see me being weird, it means you are a good friend that can see this side of mine. You made me feel comfortable and you're a nice person that won't judge harshly on me.

But then I did something bad. I was joking with my one of my friend, asking her if my partner was handsome or not. If she said no I would pretend to be upset with her but when she changed her mind to yes, I pretended to be in shock saying that "You think he's handsome?!! Are you saying you love him?" I said to her that I'll tell my partner about this so I messaged him saying that one of my friend thinks you're handsome and she loves you. She then later got mad at me. And I realised that she was being serious. I felt bad for mucking around. But I swear I didn't intentionally mean to hurt her. I wouldn't do this to any other people except my really close friends. She was my close friend. And I realised I hurt her feelings. I felt bad, really bad and I regretted it. I apologised to her mutiple times but she didn't speak to me. I felt really bad because she didn't accept my apologies and I don't know what to do that'll make her happy... So I just didn't say anything. But later she forgave me. I still feel bad... I feel bad...

I told this story to my partner and he said that now I know that I shouldn't do that again. He said I learnt my lesson now. He said, "Do you feel mature now?" I didn't know what to say... He just kept going saying, "Just listening to this makes me think you're weird". -


I am only weird with people I feel that I can trust. That didn't go so well. I remember mutiple times when different people called me 'weird' and I just replied, "Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment". Now I don't want to take it as a compliment anymore.

I remember when I was in Japan, my australian friend, let's call her mama, called me weird in front of our international friends. I replied thank you, I know I'm weird because I'm with you guys. I'm only weird with close people and I take that as a compliment. I remember Mama staring at our friends and rolled her eyes, telling them I'm even more weird. At that time I didn't too much about it. But jow that I think about it I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have been weird in the first place.

I guess when people are being weird you seem them as childish and immature..... I should stop being weird now. People view it badly of me and I don't want them to think like that.


- "Just listening to this makes me think you're weird". I didn't say anything because I knew he was right. I am weird in a bad way. He kept talking to me but I didn't respond because I don't know what to say anynore. Nothing I say to him are ever good. When he asked me a question and I didn't reply, he knew I stopped talking. Then he said, "I'll stop talking too". We had an awkward pause between us and I hated it. I hated being in that situation. When can I do???! Honesly what can I do? Should I apologise to him for being weird???!! Then I told him that let's hang up the call and I'll talk to him later. He asked me if I was sure, and If I was ok. I said to him let's hang up the call and he didn't hold back and agreed. He said he'll go for a shower. And we just hanged up.

I don't want to talk to him for a while. I don't want to initaite the first move to contact him.

127. Happy

Although I experienced unfortunate events this year, I feel that there were many good events that happened to me this year. A lot more good events especially this year. I mist say I became a lot more lucky this year. Even though I lost my opal card, srudent ID, and my phone was dropped in the toilet (that's another story), my dreams and passion of travelling came true and China is yet to be. I must say, I thought I screwed up because I didn't get the job but I did. I'm so happy. I'm lucky to have got the job. I thought it was the end for me but no. My special someone got out of his office just to call me and comfort me. He's the sweetest. I love him very much. And not only do I love him but my friends too. I love my friends and I'm glad that I have them in my life. I don't know what I would do without them. Thank you my friends and my love. You bring joy to my life everyday.

126. Screwed up

I missed my chance and I screwed up. F me... Sighhh... Hate myself...

125. Good luck Bubs!

I hope everything goes well today... I really hope so. I don't believe in myself and really have low self esteem. But I like to explore and try new things. I shall have fun and try my best. Good luck bubs!

124. Moving out

I mentioned this before but I really don't know what to do with my life. But I really want to move and life away from my family. I sound like a bad daughter but anyways, I do believe that I'm a bad daughter. I just want to live on my own. It sounds bad to say this, but... I don't feel happy when I'm living with my parents. I have an older brother who doesn't give a damn about me, he won't care if I die or not. My mum who always likes to fight with me. I have a traditional and overprotective dad which is fine for him to care for me but it's TOO much. He restricts my freedom. He wouldn't let me cut my hair short, he wouldn't let me go out for too late, he will say no if I want to travel overseas, he'll get angry at me when i fight with mum coz he thinks it's my fault, he just wants me to focus on studying, studying, studying, he won't even let me get a part time job because experience doesn't matter but studying does.. pfttt

I know there are people out there who had it worse than me, but I'm sorry. I don't like living with my family. I want to move out.