When I feel that I am close with someone I get out of my comfort zone and just being open with them. I let them see all the random sides of me so that they can ses that I am me, true to myself, having fun with people. Then they would start calling me 'weird' but I took that as a compliment. Because I agree that I'm weird. Not everyone is normal, they're unique. They all have these unique sides to them. I only let mine expose when I feel comfortable with ppl I am with. If you see me being weird, it means you are a good friend that can see this side of mine. You made me feel comfortable and you're a nice person that won't judge harshly on me.
But then I did something bad. I was joking with my one of my friend, asking her if my partner was handsome or not. If she said no I would pretend to be upset with her but when she changed her mind to yes, I pretended to be in shock saying that "You think he's handsome?!! Are you saying you love him?" I said to her that I'll tell my partner about this so I messaged him saying that one of my friend thinks you're handsome and she loves you. She then later got mad at me. And I realised that she was being serious. I felt bad for mucking around. But I swear I didn't intentionally mean to hurt her. I wouldn't do this to any other people except my really close friends. She was my close friend. And I realised I hurt her feelings. I felt bad, really bad and I regretted it. I apologised to her mutiple times but she didn't speak to me. I felt really bad because she didn't accept my apologies and I don't know what to do that'll make her happy... So I just didn't say anything. But later she forgave me. I still feel bad... I feel bad...
I told this story to my partner and he said that now I know that I shouldn't do that again. He said I learnt my lesson now. He said, "Do you feel mature now?" I didn't know what to say... He just kept going saying, "Just listening to this makes me think you're weird". -
I am only weird with people I feel that I can trust. That didn't go so well. I remember mutiple times when different people called me 'weird' and I just replied, "Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment". Now I don't want to take it as a compliment anymore.
I remember when I was in Japan, my australian friend, let's call her mama, called me weird in front of our international friends. I replied thank you, I know I'm weird because I'm with you guys. I'm only weird with close people and I take that as a compliment. I remember Mama staring at our friends and rolled her eyes, telling them I'm even more weird. At that time I didn't too much about it. But jow that I think about it I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have been weird in the first place.
I guess when people are being weird you seem them as childish and immature..... I should stop being weird now. People view it badly of me and I don't want them to think like that.
- "Just listening to this makes me think you're weird". I didn't say anything because I knew he was right. I am weird in a bad way. He kept talking to me but I didn't respond because I don't know what to say anynore. Nothing I say to him are ever good. When he asked me a question and I didn't reply, he knew I stopped talking. Then he said, "I'll stop talking too". We had an awkward pause between us and I hated it. I hated being in that situation. When can I do???! Honesly what can I do? Should I apologise to him for being weird???!! Then I told him that let's hang up the call and I'll talk to him later. He asked me if I was sure, and If I was ok. I said to him let's hang up the call and he didn't hold back and agreed. He said he'll go for a shower. And we just hanged up.
I don't want to talk to him for a while. I don't want to initaite the first move to contact him.
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