12. Deaf

If I could lose one of my senses then it would be hearing.
So I don't have to listen to my mum complaining about my life. Yep. That's the main reason.
Also I don't have to worry about people yelling at me, gossiping about me, swearing at me.
If I'm deaf, I wouldn't have to worry about a thing. Plus, there's no need for me to listen to music when I can't even listen to my surroundings.

If only I could block out my surroundings.

11. Not Impressed at All....

I don't really like the workers that I work with...... they are soooo mean. So meannnnn!!!!!!
But at least they are quitting soon. The ex-manager stopped working at my place from now on. I am so happy abd relieved. She is just really mean........ And other workers that I work with are so meannnn as well..... They are so meannnnn. They're bullies!!!!!!!!

But I won't be seeing them till next week ^^

10. Sighhhh

When everything was going so well and smoothly. Sighhhh....... 

I did not tell my family when I will be receiving my HSC results and atar next month because they will start pestering me about, "Oh, what did you get???" and blah, blah, blah. 

When I do receive my HSC results and atar, I wasn't planning to tell them of what I got and never gonna tell them the exact dates of when I will be receiving them.....

Tonight my mum asked me when I will be receiving them and before I could answer my dad answered her question!!!!!! I WAS SURPRISED THAT MY DAD KNEW!!!!!!! HOW DOES HE KNOWWWW???!!!!

I ASKED HIM SEVERAL TIMES HOW HE FOUND OUT BUT HE JUST SAID, "I just know...."

My mum started questioning him how he found out but my dad remained stubborn and said the same thing, "Well of course I know..."

My brother was surprised as well that my dad knows and he doesn't..... My brother doesn't know when the HSC results and atar release dates are.... But my dad does.....

Now my dad knows when I will receive them..... And I was gonna play it off cooly and never gonna tell them....... Now my dad will ask me next month, "What did you get?"

Sighhhhhhh

9. I'm tired

Quick update on me. I am very tired. Very tired... Sighhhhhh.......

I am physically tired.......... And tired of all these stress..............

Tired because of work, tired because of family issues (which has gotten better now)..................... I am so tired of everything........

My mum phoned the conpany that I work and complained how I've been underpaid.

Now my ex-manager is gonna hate me for life because of my mum.......

8. Crying

I cried too much this month......... And I hate crying...... But I couldn't hold back my tears and just let out my emotional, weak side.......  

I realised that I am a very bad daughter............... 

I was in the car today with my mum after doctor appointment....... And my mum called my brother by phone call and the way she speaks to him........ She treats him so nicely.... And speaks to him so nicely....... 

I realised my mum never talked to me like that by phone call.... and I was jealous....

Which lead me to realise that I am a very bad daughter...... Because the way I talk to her as a friend and how I don't show her respect.... Thats why she always use that annoying tone on me and find everything about me annoying and mad........... 

I realise I never listen to her like my brother..... I'm not loyal to her like my brother..... 

I'm not kind to her like my brother.......

No wonder she hates me........... And gets angry at me all the time......... And favourites my brother........ And asks him if he ate anything, or need anything, or wanna buy him anything.........

She treats him like a prince..........

The bond that my brother and mother share.............. Sighhhhhhhh

Im stressed and depressed because of my family relationships............ 

And im depressed that I can't hang out a lot with my friends because of my work schedule......

I feel bad...... I haven't gone out with Erica.... Not even once.... I feel bad..... 

We planned to go out after HSC.... But we didn't and I miss her already.........

I miss Yuki too......... But we never contact each other........ But I know from my heart, we are inseparable in spirit and that we are always thinking of each other even when we don't contact each other. ^^

Man I miss my friends............

7. Nervous...

Just nervous... about the future...
I should be relieved that I don't have to go to school, worry about exams, and get to sleep in (not really because I got work)...... But...... I'm still nervous.......
I already finished HSC exams so I shouldn't be nervous but...... I am.......

I'm nervous because of next month.... where we receive our hsc results and atar.....
Why should I worry now??? Why not worry about it next month???????

Urghhhhhhh..... I still don't know what I really want to do...... I'm so confused with life......

I don't think I have the chance to get into university....... Omgggggg.....
Why am I worrying about it nowwww??? For pete's sake!!!!!

Why can't I worry about it laterr?????
Omggggggg...... So nervous about the future......

6. Life

Why can't life be simple and easy? If only it was that simple and easy......

Why am I such a bad person? Why can't I be good? 

I know everyone is not perfect but you can be a better person......

What makes a better person?

Let's say you know someone that is bad but soon that person changed into a better person.

What defines a better person when they are not perfect.......?

Can you trust that 'better person'? How do you know for sure?

Urghhhhh I don't know what I am talking about. 

I wish I was a good person........... 

No.

I wish I was a better person than myself right now. 

I wish I was a better daughter, a better friend, a better sister, a better person........

Even after HSC, even getting a job..... Nothing changes..........

Life is still the same..... Always so challenging and complex. 

Why can't I be a better person???

I'm not a good daughter, I'm not a good friend, I'm not a good sister, I'm not a good person......

I'm not good enough...........

Everyone is not good.... No one is pure good. 

So....... I should just become a better person then?

But what makes a better person??? How do you define a better person when they are not perfect? 

How can you be so sure to trust that 'better person'?

OMGGGGGGGGG......... THE CIRCLE OF LIFEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

I'm just repeating this whole thing.......

Life is just complicated............

5. Bike Riding

Monday was the best day because I get to go bike riding with Dora and Patty. From memory, I haven't rode a bike since 2010. That was 4 years ago. To go bike riding was really thrilling. Patty drove us to Olympic Park after Dora and I finished deregristration at school and we decided to go bike riding for two hours. 

Riding around Olympic was beautiful. The sceneary was beautiful, the birds chirping, the lake, waters, nature, trees, everything. We went everywhere as we can and went to the bird towers, ship wreck sight,  bird watch, fountains. Patty purposely got himself wet by riding through the water fountain. It was funny. 

I also fell down three times...... Or maybe more............ But I got three bruises from them...... And its not a good feeling. It hurts alot!!!!!!!!!!!! Got a massive bruise on my left thigh and it hurts everytime I walk..... Yep..... 

My bike was different from Dora's and Pat's. They both got the same black mountain bike while I got the snall blue mountain bike. The black bike was too tall for me to get on... TT^TT I think thats why they rode faster than me because they got the good bike..... Or maybe I'm a terrible bike rider. Yep.... Because I did fell three times....

ALSO I GOT A MOSQUITO BITE!!!!!!!!!! I SAW THIS TINY MOSQUITO JUST SUCKING BLOOD ON MY LEFT WRIST AND I FLAPPED MY LEFT ARM IN THE AIR TO SHAKE THE MOSQUITO OFF BUT IT DIDN'T CAME OFF UNTIL I BLEW ONTO MY LEFT WRIST. 

I was too afraid to flick the mosquito off and the next day.... My left wrist is swollen and red...... And the mosquito bite is beating like a pulse...... I could even see it beating....... I'm scared......

But the bike riding was worth it and if I were to go back there, I would go there again.

After the bike tiding it was already 3pm and we didn't want to go home that early. So we decided to watch movie at Lidcombe. We watch John Wick and it was interesting. But I would give it 6.5 or 7/10. I wanted to know more about this John Wick's character and his past history because he is this super deadly assassin that anyone should not messed with. I also wanted to know more about his relationship with his wife because the affection from his wife and also her death affected him deeply, that he would even go far to kill those gangs that killed his dog (that was a gift from his wife). I'm sorry for kinda spoiling the story but there was toooooo mcuh action. Even though its an action movie, I wanted to connect with the character but it was too direct and blunt. Yep. So 6.5 or 7 out of 10. Yep. 

After the movie, Patty dropped me off to my house around 6o'clock. 

I did not enjoy the rest of the day after that because I had a fight with my Bro......... I even cried about it and I hated crying. Crying shows you are weak, sensitive and emotional. I didn't wanted to cry but the tears just came out. I couldn't hold it in. What we fought about was stupid. He didn't wanted to listen to me and he only wanted me to listen to him. I tried to make him understand my opinion but he just wanted me to listen to his's only. I was pissed at him but I didn't show it physically but since he knew that I was pissed at him, he yelled at me. He gave me that mad look and threw his plates into the sink. He gave me that one mad look again before he walked upstairs. Yep............ 

Today, we are having BBQ for dinner with korean white rice wine. I'm going to get drunk like a depressed bitch because of my bro. I'm still mad at him and I don't even want to talk to him or see his face. Thank god I'm going out with my friends tomorrow because we are planning to drink. I get drunk very easily which makes me sleepy so I'm just gonna drink and sleep for the night. I don't even want to think about my brother. He's not a good brother. Yep..... We don't even act like siblings. We're just strangers or we're brothers and sisters from another mother. Yep...... Right now I'm mad and depressed about my Bro, so yeah. I'm mad at him and I feel hatred for him. That's right. Right now, I hate him. I hate him. I hate my brother. If he does apologises to me, I don't even want to accept it. I'm not going to accept it. His apologies doesn't turn everything back the way it was. Sorry doesn't fix everything. I hate him for that. I hate him. I wished I had an older brother who I can look up to but no.... I look down on him because he doesn't act like one. I feel like I'm the older one and that I always have to take care of him.

Oh my goshhhhhhh....... I should stop complaining and shut up. Yep. Yeah thats me and my bro. 

Whatat siblings.....

4. Dream

Had a dream that I had a boyfriend. I remember Dora and Shirley was walking in front while I was walking behind them with my boyfriend. And there was few times where we only pecked secretly but Shirley found out when she turned her head around to have a glimpse of us. After she saw us, she told Dora about it. Dora was giving us this cheeky smile, kinda telling us internally, "Oh really now?~~~", or "Did they??~~"

As we were walking for a quite a while now, I saw my old crush walking across us. The moment I saw him, my body froze and just I stared at him. I haven't seen him for a long time and to see him was shocking. I stared at him for quite a long time and he did the same. I was trying to believe he if was my old crush but since he was staring at me too, he was thinking the same thing.

Our group were walking to the bus stop and as I turned around... I found him.... He was also waiting for our bus to come.... I was really nervous and it was awkward knowing that  he was there..... Since I was nervous my body just acted on its own. I hugged my boyfriend tightly so that he could comfort me but when I look up to see his face..... I was actually hugging my old crush!!!! He was just staring at me...... The way he was staring told me that he didn't mind and that it seemed natural for him to recevie a hug from me...

There was more after that but I can't remember but yep... That was the end of my dream....

3. Beach Outing with Friends

During HSC, Shirley and I desperately wanted to go the beach so we planned to go out to the beach with everyone after HSC. Thursday was the only day of this week where I am free from work so we decided to go out on that day. But Thursday's weather was expected to be 23°C and cloudy which isn't the most perdect weather for the beach but it will do. My friend Dora kept complaining how it will be a bad weather and that it will be very cold... =_= sighhh... Regardless of her non-stop complaints she still came and complained =_=

This morning, my friend Denise called me and had informed me that she was able to come for the beach event which I was so excited about. But she was already at the train station and I didn't wanted her to wait any longer because I knew that she could be impaitent. So I decided go meet her up early and go to Bondi Junction together with her. As we arrived  there 30mins earlier than we planned, we shopped around David Jones, Myer and Westfield to look for her formal dress. There wasn't any  style that really interest us... It must be hard to find your own perfect formal dress.... But I don't have to worry about that problem since I am not going.

Yuki had texted Denise that she and Shirley had arrived at the station. We stopped shopping and went to pick them up and goshhh.... Can I say..... I really do have some good sense of direction...... I knew where I was going even though it was my first time being there. After we found Shirley and Yuki, Dora came. The last person to arrive was Vubbles. She was coming late by 30mins so as our group didn't have breakfast (except me), we around to look for foods. I loved hanging out with everyone. ^^

Vubs came and we all caught the bus to Bondi Junction. Thank god Yuki came... If she didn't came..... We would have walked to the beach for 30mins.... I researched last night on how to get from Bondi Junction to Bondi Beach and Google maps told me 7mins by walking..... =_= LIESSS!!!

We got to the beach and as we settled there, I was staring at my group... I saw them together, just laughing, talking and smiling.... I'm glad that I planned  out this event. Its good to see that we were hanging out with each other and that we can do anything we want as we don't have to worry about going to school, or HSC from the back of our mind. So I thanked them for coming. I was really... i was very happy.

Dora, Vubs and I were the only people to wear swimwear so we were playing in the waters, while Shirley was in a close distance to take photos of us three, but but out of the waters reach to make sure he doesn't get wet. Yuki and Denise weren't wearing swimwear clothes so they were staying at our resting spot and minding our bags.The water was indeed cold but I didn't mind it because I felt cold water before when I use to swim.

We were all starvinggg!!!! The restaurants at Bondi was really expensive so we decided to head  to the city. Also, we met up with Yuki's boyfriend in Bondi Beach but unfortunately, he had to go back to the city again as we were all leaving to the city to find some place to eat. I felt bad for him to come and just leave again... I'm sorry Joel!

I had told my friends that I was craving for steak and they were craving foe steaks too! We went to Starbar in Townhall and it was alright. The alcohols were............. just........... =_=
Shirley and Vubbles had ordered the same drink which was Love Shack (from memory I think) while Dora and Denise shared 'chocolate alcoholic drink' (I don't remember the name). i had Mr Bombastic as it had my facourite ingredient of apple. I gotta say.... My drink tasted better than my friends' drinks. Love Shack was very not lovely. It was such a weird, strong, bitter taste that tasted like medicine. The 'Chocolate drink' was also disgusting too. There was chocolate element but........ The alcohol of it was a weird, strange taste..... But basically both drinks tasted like shit.
(Also, Yuki and her bf went home that time).

During dinner........  crazy things happened...... Vubbles was drunk... She was drunk very easily........ She doesn't have very high alchol tolerance... It was funny to see how she reacts when she was drunk..... Shirley kept laughing I remember.... She was crying in laughter, and I asked her if she was ok but instead she asked me if I was ok......... I said I'm ok because I was ok. I remember Dora was telling me that I  was drunk but I shouldn't get drunk because I got work tomorrow and my dad would kill me if I did...

People did tell me I'm the type of person who doesn't know when I get drunk. Maybe or maybe not it might true..... I gotta be careful...

We wanted to spend more time together so we headed to this Japanese Karaoke which is really good. We stayed for 2hrs while Dora stayed for an hour and left for home. Yep. It was great singing time. It was around 9pm and Denise and I planned to head back home otherwise she would get into trouble. I wanted to get cakeeeee. But no. Shirley and Vubs got cake TT^TT
I will eat cake sometime later. Definately, before the end of this year because I didn't even eat cake on my birthday. Yep. I want cake now...

2. HSC IS OVER!!!

DONE!!! FINISHED!!! NO MORE EXAMS TO WORRY ABOUT!!!
THERE'S THIS HUGE RELIEF IN MY HEART AND TOTAL FREEDOM!!!!!
This is what I've been waiting for ever since I started year 12...

I cannot express how happy I am right now... I've stopped watching anime about few months ago and after I came back home... Something clicked in the back of my mind...
I've realised I can watch animes..... ^^ SO, SO, SO HAPPY!!!!!!!
I went back to watching One piece and I missed 11 episodes... which is a good thing! Because then I don't have to worry about cliffhangers. So far I've watched 5 or 6 episodes and still have about half way more to go!!!! Yep, yep, yep. After One piece, I need to update on Naruto Shippuden and I counted that I missed up to 12 episodes. I can just take my time and watch these animes pleasurably.

Oh god... So happy. After I get some sleep, I need to plan out the beach outing on Thursday. Yep.
So busy this week...

1. Welcome to Bubbles's World

Hello everyone!

My name is Bubbles, and no, that is not my real name but I don't mind if it were my real name. I don't call myself 'Bubbles' because I love bubbles (but I do...), but I call myself this because I am bubbly. ^^ Yes. I am bubbly @^_^@ 

Now let me explain...

This is my second blog and I have not blogged for around 11 months. I was going to start a new blog on the 1st of January but..... I bet a lot of things will happen before that and I wanted to share it with you guys. ^^

I stopped blogging earlier this year because I was depressed and a lot of stupid thinkings were going on, which I didn't wanted to post about on my blog. Also, I felt that its not worth for peole to read about depressing posts on my blog because it will seem like its the end of the world for me, when its not. These stupid, little things could make me depressed and I didn't wanted to tell or worry my friends or let them know by them reading my blog. 

I knew that 2014 would be the most stressful year of my life because I was a year 12 student and HSC was coming up soon. I knew that if I continued blogging, I would blog about how my life journey is so hard because of HSC. And, I didn't want my friends to read about my complaints and struggles during this year because seriously... I'm not the only one who is experiencing this and we share the same kind of pain as well. So why bother complain and blog about it then? 

Like one of my friends said, "It's life, get use to it!" or "Deal with it!" 

I thought, "Yep, I'm gonna deal with it and not post about stupid, depressing things on my blog."

So that's why I stopped blogging till now. 

This is my new journey.... towards my freedom, independence and adulthood. 

Life after graduating highschool is not the same. Each graduate high school students will go on their own indivdiual paths, and will have different life journies.

This new journey of mine... I wanted to  share it with you guys because you never know what the future lies ahead of you, or others. If you are interested what future sets ahead of me, welcome to this blog.

The Bubbles's World.