Don't feel happy with life anymore. Why do I strive for happiness when I know it's so hard to be happy all the time?... I am being so selfish. I know in life you gotta through hardships and pain so that you can get use to the realities of life and trying to prepare yourself in becoming a strong person. But I don't wanna go through all that. Why make our life so much harder? Trying to become this successful person... I feel that in your youth you should spend time in doing whatever the hell you want that makes you happy. Because once you're an adult you don't get those free times anymore. And then you'll regret it and become this stressful, cranky person that doesn't care about the fun, outside world.
I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. What I'm sad about doesn't even relate to this... I'm sad because I know that I'm not truly happy. And I can't even be honest about it with myself. I don't know why I'm sad all the time. Why???! Why do I pretend to be happy all the time???! Sighh...
I wish this year would be a happier year for everyone. I mentioned this earlier before but I swear to god, I don't think it has been that great so far. So far the start of the year of me was shit. Had a huge fight with my parents. Came back from the cruise trip and had a fight with mum. I don't know what to do anymore. And my habit of overthinking is still there. Overthinking about these thoughts that relates to my special someone when they shouldn't be an issue... Then started thinking about all these insecurities about myself which really reduces my confidence and I have this low self-esteem.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even tell these things to anyone. Haven't told SS because I don't want him to think I'm crazy, or i'm overthinking too much, or i'm just very emotional... Honesty is the important key to the relationship. I should tell these things to him but sometimes I'm just scared and I burry these thoughts to somewhere far away in my head and try to forget about them but I know that they're still lingering somewhere... These thoughts would eventually become larger in size and explode someday... Or maybe not. I will forget them eventually as time pass. Another reason why I don't tell him is because I can't even be honest with myself. And I can't figure myself out and I don't wanna tell anyone about these things because I don't even know where to start myself.
I am having a problem of figuring out myself straight. I can't ignore these things because I know they'll eventually consume my mind and I can't pretend myself to be happy anymore. I don't even know what the hell I'm talking about...
What is wrong with me?...
Bubbles stop being depressed though I am a hypocrite for saying this cause I get depressed a lot. Family issues I can't really help and I experience alot of these problems myself which also brings me down often but that is also when U turn to friends and ur loved one for comfort. Just cause U dont understand yourself, it shouldn't stop urself from telling ur loved one how U feel. Only by telling him would U be able to solve things and maybe get him to change a bit. If U can't tell him then nothing will be solved and if in the end he finds all this annoying and doesn't like U cause of it then he isn't the right guy for U. U need to develop a comfortable relationship when U can talk to your loved ones about hr problem. Learn to be a little dependent on other people. Being independent is good nut not everyone can handle so much hardships in one go. Even the people with the most strongest will would break down from time to time. Your not made of stone. We all have to face sadness once in awhile and there is no same in that but picking ourselves up from that is better than escaping from it. Sometimes U have to cry out ur sadness until U can truly smile. When I feel depressed I just wanna make myself cry cause after I feel a lot better than before. U know ingot friends here to help up. Talk to them cause whateva U say they would listen just like U would for them. Keeping it in would only make it worse. No one can fully figure themselves out we R our own biggest problem but hey we just gotta deal with it and solve one thing at a time
ReplyDeleteI might be a little hypocritical cause sometimes I feel the same way and dont understand but I know that this is what U should do. It is just at ur lowest point U don't think of this. Go to ur friends if can't go to ur loved one. But U should be completely honest with him and tell him everything. I feel unsound keep things from ur partner cause if U don't sort it out soon the ball will just roll even bigger (hope U understand my metaphor) be happy and if not then be sad maybe at the end of the storm U will see a beautiful rainbow
ReplyDeleteBtw sorry if I got typos sort of using a touchpad and typing everything really fast cause I wanna sleep so tired. But be happy or sad just b honest to how U R feeling. Hope U feel better soon.
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