"Ah, look! It's a full moon!"
"It's not full moon yet"
"Yes, it is. See. Full moon~"
"No, it's not full moon yet"
"Hmm... then tomorrow there'll be full moon"
"Yeah, tomorrow it'll be"
The 2nd Tuesday of June was a special day of my life. This was the day where I went to vivid with my uni friends and spent the rest of the day of shopping, lunch, 2 hours of karaoke, 1 hour of playing pool, dinner and, finally, seeing the light shows in Circular Quay.
As we finally arrived at Circular Quay, my friends Yuki and Hannah, were encouraging me in the female bathroom just before I was going to do it. They were very supportive and wished me the best of luck with whatever outcome. They told me that not to be upset if he does reject me, and that they will wait for me after I do it.
After we left the female bathroom, we met up with the boys, and all four of them quickly scurried to the nearest light show, leaving us two behind them. It was very crowded and he tried to catch up with the others. However, I was walking slow unintentionally, and I informed him,
"Stick with me. Don't lose me!"
He replied,
"More like the other way around. You're too high tension, I can't grab your bag".
He sticked beside me and soon, we were with the others. Although, Yuki notified everyone that she will be going to buy drinks with her boyfriend to the nearest cafe. She soon left us, which leaves the three of us. Soon, Hannah informed us that she had to leave for the station, or else she wouldn't be able to access her car from the parking lot. We quickly bid farewell, and he and I admired the light show in front of us. We took photos and video of it. This was the time I knew that I had to tell him, but it was too crowded that I didn't wanted to tell him there.
I suggested if we could go see another light show which weren't too far, and that it was very close by. As we were making our way through the crowd, he grabbed my bag so that he wouldn't lose me. He commented how I was like a guide dog to him. =_=
"I'm not a dog, ok?!"
We got through the crowd, but it seemed that I wasn't aware of surroundings (because I was so damn nervous) because I almost bumped into this old lady. Luckily, he saw this and pulled me away from her, just before I was about to hit her. I quickly apologised to her, but she didn't seem to care since she just walked past us. This time, he put his arm around me and I replied, by putting my arm around his waist. We were walking like this until we saw the building where there was a light show. I stopped him near the waterside, because I could see that it was wayyyy crowded over there too. I remember during the Easter show, he told me that he didn't like crowded place.
We stood in front of the fence, and stared at the ocean. I thought this was a great time to tell him how I felt so I tried to tell him.
"Hey **-"
"My hands are cold"
"....." =_=
He cut off my sentence and I started having conversation with him. Once our conversation ended, he asked me,
"What were you going to say before?"
"O.O .............. why are your hands cold?"
I was starting to get really nervous here. It seemed that I couldn't tell him how I feel..... So I tried again,
"***-"
"Let's go near the building"
"......" (facepalm) =______=
He cut off my sentence yet again, and I thought that I should wait till another opportunity for me to tell him. As we were heading towards the building, and I asked him,
"I thought you didn't like crowded places?"
"I'm not like ***** ** that I can't stand crowded places, to the point where I won't come to an event"
o.o (I think he didn't come because of me.....)
"ใใ。ใใใ ใใญ。" (Yeah. That's right~)
"Plus, I can handle this"
As we continued to stroll our way to the building, there was too much people, that I linked my arm with him. He didn't flinch or retaliate. Throughout this whole day, he and I had so much fun, and we were physically intimate. I had a good feeling, that maybe, he liked me... since he didn't mind our physical contact. We finally made it, and I noticed that there was a grass area in front of the building. I told him that I wanted to sit down, and we sat down on the grass.
This was it. This was my chance to tell him how I feel. As soon as we sat down, we saw the light show for a while. As I felt that the time was right, I finally had the courage to tell him.
"Hey *****"
"Yeah?"
There was a few seconds pause between us, and I couldn't stare at him in the face. But I KNEW I HAD TO SAY IT, so I professed,
"I like you!"
I still didn't stare at him when I said it to him but I was facing his side, and after two seconds, I quickly covered my face with both of my hands.
"ใใใใญ！！！” (I'm sorry!!!)
"Wait, why are you saying sorry?"
"I'm too embarrassed, and I can't stare at you right now..."
Sigh~~~~
I finally let out my feelings. ^^ It was good that I've finally got the weight off my chest by telling him how I feel. From here, we discussed a lot, and talked for more than an hour. Since we both couldn't stare at each other in the face, we rested our heads together, and were looking down at our intertwined hands. While we were holding hands, I just didn't wanted to let him go, I wanted to feel that warmth from his hands. Although his hands were a lot colder than mine, his hands were warming up my hands. ^^ Since we were both shy and embarrassed, and still couldn't stare at each other, our voices were so soft. I had to whisper in his ear, and he whisper to mine so that we could hear each other.
While we talked, there was this point where I felt tears were going to drop. I forgot what we were talking about, but I reminded myself that I DID NOT WANT HIM TO SEE ME CRY AND I DID NOT WANT TO CRY IN FRONT OF HIM! I pushed back my tears in, and tried to not let him hear my teary voice. He probably noticed my voice though.
After a long discussion, we headed back to the station and I informed him that Yuki was still waiting for us. He told me that he had already forgotten about Yuki and her boyfriend. I later told him that Yuki knows about my feelings for him, and he responded that he expected her to know. While we were in front of the station, I tried to call Yuki, but whilst I was calling her, I stared at him for a second. When we had eye contact, I quickly looked back down at the ground. He knew that I was embarrassed, and I saw him with smile at the corner of my eyes. He put his right hand on my left cheek, and once Yuki picked up the call, he let go of his hand from my face. ><
We met up with Yuki at the cafe, and she told me that she had to go to the bathroom. I went to the bathroom as well, and she quickly wanted the DETAILS~ I told her the important points and she was very confused. I didn't wanted to stay in the bathroom for too long, since I knew the boys were waiting. We left the cafe, and I assured Yuki that, she and her boyfriend didn't have to drop me off to my house, since I didn't wanted to bother her boyfriend driving all the way to my place.
As we bid farewell, I linked my arm with his and walked to the station. We caught the train to Redfern, and as soon as we sat down on our seat, I rested my head on his shoulder. I told him that my hands are a lot warmer now because of his warmth. He denied saying,
"You're making me warmer"
"Oh really?!.... Hehe ^^"
We got off at Redfern station, and I told him that my train was coming in 10mins. He said he would wait for me but I told him he didn't have to. He said he would have still waited with me anyway, and that his train comes in every 10minutes. I was happy, and our arms were still linked while we were walking to my platform. As we waited 10mins for my train, we talked about our families. It seemed that during that 10mins, it was the slowest time of our life, but I kept checking the billboard, of how much time we got left till the train came. It was 7mins, to 5mins, to 3mins. I didn't want to keep checking the time but honestly, it seemed that time was going slow.
As soon as the train came, there was too much people trying to get on the train. The door was still opened, and I used that opportunity to hug him. He put his arm around me, and it was the longest hug we had. He could see that the people had already got on the train. He told me that I should get on the train and I did. There were few people that were rushing to get on the train, and they blocked my view of him. I tried to see past him and he did too. But once the people on the train were away from me, I had a clear view of him. So did he too. We had eye contact for a few moment, and I quickly looked back down on the ground again. I looked back up only to find him smiling at me. He knew I was embarrassed. I did our secret handshake, and as the door closed, I waved him goodbye. I didn't verbally say goodbye to him that night, because saying goodbye to him hurts. As soon as the train moved, I almost fell, but quickly stabilised my footing. He saw this and started laughing. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to hide my view from him but I didn't. I wanted to stare at him more, because I honestly don't know when I'll see him again. The train departed and my sight of him was gone.
At that moment, I contemplated how I confessed to him, and the long discussion we had. In the end of the day, I remember how I told him that,
"I'm glad that I told you how I feel because I don't regret it".
And I honestly don't regret it. ^^
It's been two days ever since the confession and I really missed him. But it's alright. I can relax more and start concentrating and do what's important to me now, since I have a long break.
I am sorry for not telling you what we discussed about. It is personal and didn't wanted to type it down here publicly, even though it's my own blog. But it involves his personal matter, and opinions. So please bear with me, and what's the end result?
Who knows~
To be continued...
