I've been crying for 5 days straight everynight until yesterday I was able to stop crying. But the tears came back. I haven't been able to sleep properly and now I'm not in the mood to go to uni anymore. I can barely concentrate and just want to go home early, not that I love being at home though.
I can't sleep properly anymore and why do I even bother for uni... I just wanna quit everything. I put a fake smile around my friends and family. And later I cry everynight.
Always thinking of bad things, bad thoughts, and just have a bad reflection of myself.
I just want to be happy. But I can't be happy when my parents are in the way. I want them to be happy for me and we all can be happy. Why? Why are they against me so much? Why are they so over protective? Against who? Why can't they just believe in me. Why are they making it harder for me?
Why can't they just leave me alone?...
I feel happy to be with my friends and loved ones. But my family?... I don't know anymore because I don't feel loved by them...
This is killing me bell. You know you are the most precious and important friend to me ever. But this week, I don't understand anything and I just feel so distant from you cause you are holding everything in and... Look bell, if your parents are protective over you and care about and stops you from going out in some way that is loving you cause they are trying to stop you from getting hurt. But I obviously don't like that way of caring. Your friends care about you and from time to time reading your blog hearing your pain and not even able to contact you are talk to you really hurts me. I feel like you don't trust me or something. I wanna know whats wrong and I wanna make you feel better and happy but I can't if I don't know anything. I don't understand. . . Sigh. . . I want you to talk to me bell. I wanna don't wanna see u hurt or in pain or upset. I bet your special someone and your other friends don't want to see u this way. Finding out you been crying and hurting all by urself is like hurting me a lot and I feel like a I am not a good enough friend to have not notice it and pick that up. why. . . sigh bell all I want to see is your happiness all I wanna do is make you feel happy but if I don't know whats wrong then I cant help. Also I don't know what bad habits is coming back but a true friend or ur boyfriend if because of that one thing starts to dislike you then they are not worth keeping. Love someone is not seeing perfection in them but see all their imperfections to and I don't love like a boyfriend does but I love you as a friend and I will do everything I can to make you happy and no matter what you do I want hate you, unless you kill someone I love or betray me or make me lose my trust in u then nothing else would ever stop me from being your friend. Please PLEASE just talk to me. I have all the time in the world for you.
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